Sometimes I wish I cared more about things and people. It would make my conversations about things, especially when it relates to my life, much easier. Then I wouldn’t have to have that awkward realization that they think I am upset or sad about something when in reality I don’t care all that much and actually was probably just stating a fact that I was annoyed at the fact that something in my life has to change, not really caring about the actual people coming or going in my life. And if I tell them I do not care all that much then they just think I am trying to hide my feelings, but in reality if I had feelings to hide I just would not talk about them.

I don’t know if that makes one bit of sense, but it is just awkward when people think I’m upset or care more about something than I do. Typically speaking I have moved on from what ever new annoying thing that has popped up in my personal life before I decided to tell anyone about it and chances are it did not hurt or affect me even close to amount you are assuming it did.

I find it quite saddening when I have to help a male friend of mine get rid of a girl who is making him uncomfortable, and that my advice is simply tell her that she is making you uncomfortable. And it is like the best advice in the world because they never though that doing that was an option, they figured saying something so bold would hurt the girl and then they wouldn’t be this nice guy anymore.

Well, jesus, guys just because you are a “nice guy” that doesn’t mean you have to take anyone else’s shit. If you do not like being treated the way someone treats you, tell them. If some girl is making you feel uncomfortable by coming on too strong or is just kind of rude, tell her. And if she gets mad, then it is not you that are in the wrong, it is her. 

Let me tell you, almost any female I know when a guy is bothering them they do not hesitate to say something because that is what we are taught to do. To tell the dude that hey this is not okay and then if they keep going THEY ARE WRONG. 

It goes both ways. Just because you are this nice guy does not mean you cannot stand up for yourself. You do not owe any female anything, especially the ones who are bothering you.

I just see this way to often and I am honestly speechless when I give the advice to just tell the girl that they are making them uncomfortable and it is like I just offered them the key to happiness. They all get so excited, almost like wait, I can do that. Yeah you can. You have feelings, you are allowed to share them even if the girl may not like what you have to say.

I guess society doesn’t teach any one this anymore, but goddamnit, if you are a guy or a girl, and any person is bothering you, you have every right to tell them they are and to tell them to knock it off.

Why can’t my life just be simple. I gave up on you and now you come rolling back in my life.

Why can’t it be as simple as you’re gone or you’re here, not some awkward back and forth.

Or why can’t I just be like fuck you feelings I don’t care what you think I am done dealing with this shit. Why can’t it be that easy, but nope I become a fucking stupid happy mess around you. … even though I know nothing will ever change.

Auugh sometimes I despise my life. And sometimes I wished I believed in god so I could just blame him for this shit and not try so hard to figure out what the fuck I’m doing wrong or what is so fucking wrong with me.

I am just a mess.

You’ve wasted so much time on someone who will never love you. instead of going out there and finding someone who always will.

And in the end I will always be here and you’ll always be there with a million things in between, and never once will we push it all away well enough to get to each other for more than brief moment before it all comes crashing down pushing us away once again. 

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. I am tired of being a part of society, of my life. I wish I could just fade away and my responsibilities would fade away as well and not be dumped on someone else.

I wish the world was simple enough that I could wander off into the trees and live my life alone, no one to ever bother me. Life would be better surrounded by nature and whatever my mind creates.

I wish I could just live in a cabin in the woods and go insane by myself and not have a person or government care what exactly I was doing.

But I know that’s too much to ask because we live in a world where disappearing is impossible because everyone has to know what you’re doing. And even if you manage to hide from the people, the government will find you and make you live your life the way they think is normal.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and never step foot back in this state again. I should have kept running when I had the chance.

Maybe I will just keep my mouth shut from now on because I am getting really sick and tired of getting yelled at and snapped at for trying to help. It is just not worth my effort if you will not even allow me to have an opinion, sometimes it helps to see it from another side, but anything that isn’t in your line of thinking is automatically wrong, so I guess I will just stop. I have my own life to live anyways.

Something has got to give, or I am not going to make it.

You, all on your own, ruined your own life, so don’t come knocking on my door expecting to ruin mine too.